I feel like a turtle.
Yes, I understand how weird that sounds, but it's so true.
Here lately, I've taken to locking my true personality away inside a box somewhere in my soul.
I look at this like a turtle hiding itself.
I pull my head in so to speak, and snuggle down in a shell that's meant to protect me from any harm that may head my direction.
It's unfortunate that it doesn't alway work. It sucks when the person who has the power to break you in so many ways is the only person who can draw you out of your shell. It drives me crazy for the most part.
I woke up this morning a very bitter, very bitchy mood. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to go to class, but most of all, I didn't want to face the world. I know that the world didn't necessarily wrong me in anyway whatsoever, but I didn't particularly care this.
I started texting my "twin", Samantha, and she pointed how cold and bitter I was being. She's one of those people who knows me better than I know myself, probably because we're so similar.
I told her that I was just going to leave him, my best friend in the whole world, and shatter his heart like had mine. She then pointed out that it wasn't like me to think like that, nor would I actually shatter his heart because I don't like it when he's hurting. I've told her several times that when his heart breaks, mine does too. I mean it, it's the honest to God truth.
Anyway, throughout the rest of the day, I slowly realized that I wasn't acting like myself.
I mean, I wasn't being a witch to anyone or anything, I just wasn't myself. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to break my phone in half, I wanted to scream at the top of lungs that I hated him (which is far from the truth). I was locking my true personality up, and it wasn't handling the confines of that teeny tiny safe well. I've gotten so used to being myself in last few months, that my initial gut reactions don't work anymore.
Example: I used to run when things scared me, but now the person I run too is probably the person who scares me the most.
Therefore, I can't lock up my personality up anymore. It pretty much goes back to the turtle thing.
I CAN'T BE A TURTLE ANYMORE.
It just doesn't work that way, and I can't run either.
I've been really down these couple days, but I'll be damned if I'm going to keep it up.
I REFUSE TO LET HIM GET ME DOWN ANYMORE.
I'm going to fight for what I want, and do what I think I need to do. I don't really care what people think of me at this point, I am who I am.
As my friend Ashlyn says, I am beautiful, no matter what they say. I didn't even realize that until I looked in the mirror, and looked past reflection. I saw who I am, and I saw who I want to be in the future. I have to say, I may not like the physical appearance of the mirror, but you know what? That doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside.
I may be falling apart at the seams, and I definitely feel like I'm losing my mind, but that's okay.
I'll patch myself up, and just keep going. I know what I want, and I know where I'm going. I don't really know exactly I'm going to obtain it just yet, but I'll find a way. If it's meant to be, things will sort themselves out, but that doesn't that I need to just sit around and let things happen. I don't have to accept people's bullshit, and I won't, not anymore. I can make my own path to where I need to be.
I'm going to be the person who decides to stand on a mountain top with a baseball bat as a meteor hurtles towards earth (thanks for that Logan).
It's been a rollercoaster week so far, but it can only get better from here. I say that because I'm not going to let it get worse.
I know where I'm going, and being a turtle doesn't fit into those plans.
Well, venting is done for the evening.
....Does anyone else find it weird that this was inspired by turtles?
Yes, I understand how weird that sounds, but it's so true.
Here lately, I've taken to locking my true personality away inside a box somewhere in my soul.
I look at this like a turtle hiding itself.
I pull my head in so to speak, and snuggle down in a shell that's meant to protect me from any harm that may head my direction.
It's unfortunate that it doesn't alway work. It sucks when the person who has the power to break you in so many ways is the only person who can draw you out of your shell. It drives me crazy for the most part.
I woke up this morning a very bitter, very bitchy mood. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to go to class, but most of all, I didn't want to face the world. I know that the world didn't necessarily wrong me in anyway whatsoever, but I didn't particularly care this.
I started texting my "twin", Samantha, and she pointed how cold and bitter I was being. She's one of those people who knows me better than I know myself, probably because we're so similar.
I told her that I was just going to leave him, my best friend in the whole world, and shatter his heart like had mine. She then pointed out that it wasn't like me to think like that, nor would I actually shatter his heart because I don't like it when he's hurting. I've told her several times that when his heart breaks, mine does too. I mean it, it's the honest to God truth.
Anyway, throughout the rest of the day, I slowly realized that I wasn't acting like myself.
I mean, I wasn't being a witch to anyone or anything, I just wasn't myself. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to break my phone in half, I wanted to scream at the top of lungs that I hated him (which is far from the truth). I was locking my true personality up, and it wasn't handling the confines of that teeny tiny safe well. I've gotten so used to being myself in last few months, that my initial gut reactions don't work anymore.
Example: I used to run when things scared me, but now the person I run too is probably the person who scares me the most.
Therefore, I can't lock up my personality up anymore. It pretty much goes back to the turtle thing.
I CAN'T BE A TURTLE ANYMORE.
It just doesn't work that way, and I can't run either.
I've been really down these couple days, but I'll be damned if I'm going to keep it up.
I REFUSE TO LET HIM GET ME DOWN ANYMORE.
I'm going to fight for what I want, and do what I think I need to do. I don't really care what people think of me at this point, I am who I am.
As my friend Ashlyn says, I am beautiful, no matter what they say. I didn't even realize that until I looked in the mirror, and looked past reflection. I saw who I am, and I saw who I want to be in the future. I have to say, I may not like the physical appearance of the mirror, but you know what? That doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside.
I may be falling apart at the seams, and I definitely feel like I'm losing my mind, but that's okay.
I'll patch myself up, and just keep going. I know what I want, and I know where I'm going. I don't really know exactly I'm going to obtain it just yet, but I'll find a way. If it's meant to be, things will sort themselves out, but that doesn't that I need to just sit around and let things happen. I don't have to accept people's bullshit, and I won't, not anymore. I can make my own path to where I need to be.
I'm going to be the person who decides to stand on a mountain top with a baseball bat as a meteor hurtles towards earth (thanks for that Logan).
It's been a rollercoaster week so far, but it can only get better from here. I say that because I'm not going to let it get worse.
I know where I'm going, and being a turtle doesn't fit into those plans.
Well, venting is done for the evening.
....Does anyone else find it weird that this was inspired by turtles?
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