Inspiration will strike at the weirdest moments, often the most inoppurtune. However, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing...just aggravating.
I especially hate when a random idea pops in my head during a test, those are fun. I'd rather the little light bulb above my head click on whenever I'm able to just sit and write for hours, which is why I post so many blogs on the weekends. I have the time to just sit and let the words flow from fingers. Unlike right now, when it's after eleven p.m. and I have class in the morning.
I do love it when people inspire me though, it often makes for a great blog. Sammi, Taylor, Megan, and Jacob tend to be those people who inspire me to write most often, especially Sammi and Jacob. The three of us will be living together in about a year or so, and I can already tell that I'm going to have some crazy blogs about our adventures. Seeing as Jacob and I will be sharing a room so my dear twin can have her space, it's going to be very interesting. I really hope that there are people willing to bail me out of jail for violence, becase I have a feeling that I'm going to attempt to strangle the poor boy at some point.
I'm already excited, Sam and I have decided on Brentwood Apartments in Conway, we're going to take Jacob out there at some point, but I'm not sure when, seeing as the boy is always busy. We've decided on a two bedroom one as well, Sam will have her own room for personal reasons, and I'll share the other with Jacob. We're still working on the plans though, Jacob and I are already arguing about our room. It's going to be great. Furniture shopping is going to be fun too...Sammi wants vintage furniture, and Jacob doesn't. I don't really care to be honest.
Even though all this is a year away, I'm still jumping up and down with excitement. I'll get to live with two of my best friends, two people I don't get to see very often right now. Spending weekends in Conway with Sammi is fun and all, but living with her? I have feeling that our poor neighbors are going to hate us, especially with Jacob.
The three of us together...we're like a bomb waiting to explode.
We as trio, we're like dynamite. I pity our future neighbors.
HOWEVER, I'm so excited that I don't even care about that right now. I just want to focus on getting through one year in Russellville, one year at Arkansas Tech.
One year. So close, yet so far...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Blogs
So I was stupid a couple hours ago and actually deleted all the blogs off this account. I copied and saved them to my laptop though (hence the reposting of a few). I've removed the more personal ones due to how many people have a link to this blog. I just wanted to say that not all of these were posted today, so that's all.
Wow...this is my shortest blog yet.
Wow...this is my shortest blog yet.
Turtles
I feel like a turtle.
Yes, I understand how weird that sounds, but it's so true.
Here lately, I've taken to locking my true personality away inside a box somewhere in my soul.
I look at this like a turtle hiding itself.
I pull my head in so to speak, and snuggle down in a shell that's meant to protect me from any harm that may head my direction.
It's unfortunate that it doesn't alway work. It sucks when the person who has the power to break you in so many ways is the only person who can draw you out of your shell. It drives me crazy for the most part.
I woke up this morning a very bitter, very bitchy mood. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to go to class, but most of all, I didn't want to face the world. I know that the world didn't necessarily wrong me in anyway whatsoever, but I didn't particularly care this.
I started texting my "twin", Samantha, and she pointed how cold and bitter I was being. She's one of those people who knows me better than I know myself, probably because we're so similar.
I told her that I was just going to leave him, my best friend in the whole world, and shatter his heart like had mine. She then pointed out that it wasn't like me to think like that, nor would I actually shatter his heart because I don't like it when he's hurting. I've told her several times that when his heart breaks, mine does too. I mean it, it's the honest to God truth.
Anyway, throughout the rest of the day, I slowly realized that I wasn't acting like myself.
I mean, I wasn't being a witch to anyone or anything, I just wasn't myself. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to break my phone in half, I wanted to scream at the top of lungs that I hated him (which is far from the truth). I was locking my true personality up, and it wasn't handling the confines of that teeny tiny safe well. I've gotten so used to being myself in last few months, that my initial gut reactions don't work anymore.
Example: I used to run when things scared me, but now the person I run too is probably the person who scares me the most.
Therefore, I can't lock up my personality up anymore. It pretty much goes back to the turtle thing.
I CAN'T BE A TURTLE ANYMORE.
It just doesn't work that way, and I can't run either.
I've been really down these couple days, but I'll be damned if I'm going to keep it up.
I REFUSE TO LET HIM GET ME DOWN ANYMORE.
I'm going to fight for what I want, and do what I think I need to do. I don't really care what people think of me at this point, I am who I am.
As my friend Ashlyn says, I am beautiful, no matter what they say. I didn't even realize that until I looked in the mirror, and looked past reflection. I saw who I am, and I saw who I want to be in the future. I have to say, I may not like the physical appearance of the mirror, but you know what? That doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside.
I may be falling apart at the seams, and I definitely feel like I'm losing my mind, but that's okay.
I'll patch myself up, and just keep going. I know what I want, and I know where I'm going. I don't really know exactly I'm going to obtain it just yet, but I'll find a way. If it's meant to be, things will sort themselves out, but that doesn't that I need to just sit around and let things happen. I don't have to accept people's bullshit, and I won't, not anymore. I can make my own path to where I need to be.
I'm going to be the person who decides to stand on a mountain top with a baseball bat as a meteor hurtles towards earth (thanks for that Logan).
It's been a rollercoaster week so far, but it can only get better from here. I say that because I'm not going to let it get worse.
I know where I'm going, and being a turtle doesn't fit into those plans.
Well, venting is done for the evening.
....Does anyone else find it weird that this was inspired by turtles?
Yes, I understand how weird that sounds, but it's so true.
Here lately, I've taken to locking my true personality away inside a box somewhere in my soul.
I look at this like a turtle hiding itself.
I pull my head in so to speak, and snuggle down in a shell that's meant to protect me from any harm that may head my direction.
It's unfortunate that it doesn't alway work. It sucks when the person who has the power to break you in so many ways is the only person who can draw you out of your shell. It drives me crazy for the most part.
I woke up this morning a very bitter, very bitchy mood. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to go to class, but most of all, I didn't want to face the world. I know that the world didn't necessarily wrong me in anyway whatsoever, but I didn't particularly care this.
I started texting my "twin", Samantha, and she pointed how cold and bitter I was being. She's one of those people who knows me better than I know myself, probably because we're so similar.
I told her that I was just going to leave him, my best friend in the whole world, and shatter his heart like had mine. She then pointed out that it wasn't like me to think like that, nor would I actually shatter his heart because I don't like it when he's hurting. I've told her several times that when his heart breaks, mine does too. I mean it, it's the honest to God truth.
Anyway, throughout the rest of the day, I slowly realized that I wasn't acting like myself.
I mean, I wasn't being a witch to anyone or anything, I just wasn't myself. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to break my phone in half, I wanted to scream at the top of lungs that I hated him (which is far from the truth). I was locking my true personality up, and it wasn't handling the confines of that teeny tiny safe well. I've gotten so used to being myself in last few months, that my initial gut reactions don't work anymore.
Example: I used to run when things scared me, but now the person I run too is probably the person who scares me the most.
Therefore, I can't lock up my personality up anymore. It pretty much goes back to the turtle thing.
I CAN'T BE A TURTLE ANYMORE.
It just doesn't work that way, and I can't run either.
I've been really down these couple days, but I'll be damned if I'm going to keep it up.
I REFUSE TO LET HIM GET ME DOWN ANYMORE.
I'm going to fight for what I want, and do what I think I need to do. I don't really care what people think of me at this point, I am who I am.
As my friend Ashlyn says, I am beautiful, no matter what they say. I didn't even realize that until I looked in the mirror, and looked past reflection. I saw who I am, and I saw who I want to be in the future. I have to say, I may not like the physical appearance of the mirror, but you know what? That doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside.
I may be falling apart at the seams, and I definitely feel like I'm losing my mind, but that's okay.
I'll patch myself up, and just keep going. I know what I want, and I know where I'm going. I don't really know exactly I'm going to obtain it just yet, but I'll find a way. If it's meant to be, things will sort themselves out, but that doesn't that I need to just sit around and let things happen. I don't have to accept people's bullshit, and I won't, not anymore. I can make my own path to where I need to be.
I'm going to be the person who decides to stand on a mountain top with a baseball bat as a meteor hurtles towards earth (thanks for that Logan).
It's been a rollercoaster week so far, but it can only get better from here. I say that because I'm not going to let it get worse.
I know where I'm going, and being a turtle doesn't fit into those plans.
Well, venting is done for the evening.
....Does anyone else find it weird that this was inspired by turtles?
Wishes
I wish that my emotions would disappear.
I wish that I understood why my dreams were about someone different.
I wish that people understood that I like to blog.
I wish that I could explain why I like to be alone sometimes.
I wish that I didn't have trust issues.
I wish that I could see Taylor, Samantha, and Megan.
I wish that my father actually cared.
I wish that I didn't feel so broken all the time.
I wish that I wasn't such a nerd.
I wish that I was prettier.
I was that I wasn't afraid to let my talents shine.
I was that I was everything he thinks I am.
I wish he didn't think so highly of me.
I wish that I deserved his praise.
I wish that I was more outgoing.
I wish that I didn't judge people.
I wish that I wouldn't care what people think.
I wish that I knew why my biological mother hates me.
I wish that I knew why she doesn't want me.
I wish that I could see all 16 of my siblings.
I wish that I could be around to see two of my baby sisters grow up.
I wish that I'd been able to grow up with all my siblings in one house.
I wish that I could understand my biological father better.
I wish that I wasn't afraid of losing him one day.
I wish that I could have spent more time with my older sister before she died.
I wish that I more confident.
I wish that I was better at math.
I wish that I didn't have to worry about my family.
I wish that I didn't feel like I was disappointing them.
I wish that my biological father wasn't schitzophrenic.
I also wish that there wasn't a chance of him becoming so lost in his hallucinations that he forgets who I am.
I wish that I could get my brother out of the environment he's in.
I wish that my step brother didn't smoke.
I wish that I could balance my different families.
I wish that my biological mother loved me.
I wish that sleep at night without worrying about someone.
I wish that my thoughts didn't swim around in my head like a fish with no direction.
I wish that I had the words to explain myself.
I wish that I had the motivation to write a book.
I wish that I had the courage to talk to a cute boy who flirts with me.
I wish that I didn't have to think about the future and what it may bring.
I wish that I knew where one of my brothers and one of my stepsisters was living.
I wish that there wasn't a chance of one my baby brother's being schizophrenic.
I wish that I didn't have to feel like I was alone in a room full of my family.
I wish that I had set a better example for one of my sisters as she grew up.
I wish that I had tried harder in high school.
I wish that I wasn't so afraid of losing people.
I wish that I didn't care about everything.
I wish that I could forget some of the memories I have.
I wish that I could erase a certain player from my past.
I wish that I could fix my past mistakes.
I wish that I had never met someone.
I wish that I could stop thinking about someone (not the someone everyone thinks I mean).
But most of all, I wish that I didn't have all these wishes.
I wish that I understood why my dreams were about someone different.
I wish that people understood that I like to blog.
I wish that I could explain why I like to be alone sometimes.
I wish that I didn't have trust issues.
I wish that I could see Taylor, Samantha, and Megan.
I wish that my father actually cared.
I wish that I didn't feel so broken all the time.
I wish that I wasn't such a nerd.
I wish that I was prettier.
I was that I wasn't afraid to let my talents shine.
I was that I was everything he thinks I am.
I wish he didn't think so highly of me.
I wish that I deserved his praise.
I wish that I was more outgoing.
I wish that I didn't judge people.
I wish that I wouldn't care what people think.
I wish that I knew why my biological mother hates me.
I wish that I knew why she doesn't want me.
I wish that I could see all 16 of my siblings.
I wish that I could be around to see two of my baby sisters grow up.
I wish that I'd been able to grow up with all my siblings in one house.
I wish that I could understand my biological father better.
I wish that I wasn't afraid of losing him one day.
I wish that I could have spent more time with my older sister before she died.
I wish that I more confident.
I wish that I was better at math.
I wish that I didn't have to worry about my family.
I wish that I didn't feel like I was disappointing them.
I wish that my biological father wasn't schitzophrenic.
I also wish that there wasn't a chance of him becoming so lost in his hallucinations that he forgets who I am.
I wish that I could get my brother out of the environment he's in.
I wish that my step brother didn't smoke.
I wish that I could balance my different families.
I wish that my biological mother loved me.
I wish that sleep at night without worrying about someone.
I wish that my thoughts didn't swim around in my head like a fish with no direction.
I wish that I had the words to explain myself.
I wish that I had the motivation to write a book.
I wish that I had the courage to talk to a cute boy who flirts with me.
I wish that I didn't have to think about the future and what it may bring.
I wish that I knew where one of my brothers and one of my stepsisters was living.
I wish that there wasn't a chance of one my baby brother's being schizophrenic.
I wish that I didn't have to feel like I was alone in a room full of my family.
I wish that I had set a better example for one of my sisters as she grew up.
I wish that I had tried harder in high school.
I wish that I wasn't so afraid of losing people.
I wish that I didn't care about everything.
I wish that I could forget some of the memories I have.
I wish that I could erase a certain player from my past.
I wish that I could fix my past mistakes.
I wish that I had never met someone.
I wish that I could stop thinking about someone (not the someone everyone thinks I mean).
But most of all, I wish that I didn't have all these wishes.
The Soundtrack of My Life
Ever since I left for college, I've turned more towards music, and generally carry my iPod every where now. I listen to twelve songs every single day, whether I'm in the shower, on my way to class, studying in the library, or just laying around my room. Each one holds a particular meaning to me, and honestly helps me clear my head. So here it is..my life soundtrack.
1. Break Your Little Heart by All Time Low.
I wasn't introduced to ATL until this summer, when I started hanging out with Megan and Sammi. I'll admit.. I'm not addicted. I absolutely love the band, but Break Your Little Heart is definitely my favorite song by them. I remember hearing it after a break up, in one of those random jam sessions in Sam's car. I now know all the words, and even random sing it throughout the day. As weird as it is, this song made me realize that things could ALWAYS be worse.
2. Firework by Alex Goot and Tyler Ward.
I first heard this song when Sammi used it for her flag routine. I like it much better than Katy Perry's version (although her's is good too), I grasped the deeper meaning to it much faster with the slower tempo. It's a song that helped me realize that I'm valuable as a person, and that people love me. I just have to learn to let myself shine.
3. Mr. Brightside by the Killers.
I'll admit, this song probably wasn't healthy for me to listen to this past month, but it happens to be one of my favorites, so I couldn't help it. It made me think about all the things I didn't want to think about when it came to my ex..but I knew that I had to get over it sooner or later, so I opted for sooner. Thanks to this amazing song, I can actually listen to it, among others, and not even think about him. It's almost relieving.
4. The Writer by Ellie Goulding.
My friend Taylor introduced me to Ellie Goulding, and I adore her. She's simply amazing. This is one of my absolute favorite songs, and I actually bought it on iTunes three days after hearing it for the first time. I'm not really certain as to why this song appeals to me, but it does. It's just one of those songs.
5. I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin.
Logan introduced me to this particular song, telling me that it describes me. I listen to it every day regardless of how I feel, but I really listen to it when I'm down or feeling weak. He told me that this song makes him think of me because I don't bow under pressure, and I like to think that he's right, at least most of the time. One could say that this song is my strength.
6. Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce
I started listening to this song after a break up, and it honestly describes how I felt afterwards. I don't have much to say except that I'm going to always be the best thing you never had.
7. Lie by David Cook.
I'm a person who values the truth, so I find it ironic that this is one of my songs. I've always hated being lied too, but this song fit my feelings of one month ago perfectly. Therefore, I started listening to it, and it moved up on my scale of liking.
8. Loser Like Me by the cast of Glee
Recently, I became addicted to Glee, and therefore started looking for the songs on youtube. This one happened to pop up one day, so I listened to it. I love this song because in my opinion, I'm a loser, but that doesn't mean that I have to act like one. I don't have to care what everyone else thinks of me, I am me and that's all that matters.
9. She's So Gone by Naomi Scott.
I was watching a random movie on Disney Channel called Lemonade Mouth, and this song was in it. It reminded me of a friend, and then the more I listened to it throughout the summer, I realized it described me as well. I went from that girl who never talked to anyone to the girl who had more friends than she used to want. The old me is gone, and I can officially say that you can look, but you won't see the girl I used to be.
10. Stand by Rascal Flatts.
I used to listen to country all the time when I was younger, but as I grew older, my selection narrowed from all country to certain groups. My main one was Rascal Flatts, and I fell head over heels for this song. I listened to it after a very good friend of mine stopped talking to me, and after I fought world war three with my mother. I don't lay down and let people walk all over me anymore, and I'll never let that happen again.
11. Smile by Uncle Kracker.
I'll be honest... I used to smile because it was expected, not because it was something that I wanted to do. Now.. I have at least five people that make me think of this song, and I smile. Taylor, Jacob, Sammi, Megan, and Steven can ALWAYS make me smile when I'm upset about something. This song makes me think of them, and therefore I smile like the sun.
12. Everything by Lifehouse.
A little background before I explain this one: I was...violated in September 2010, and I attended a Catholic Youth retreat called Search in December 2010. I was exactly thrilled to be there, I'd completely lost my faith in God due to the incident, and it took the "Everything Skit", which is a skit based on this song, to make me realize just how far gone I was. I listen to this song when I'm feeling particularly lost and alone, or just in general to make myself feel better. To this day, the skit makes me cry, as does the song when I'm feeling down.
Well, there it is. The soundtrack of my life.
1. Break Your Little Heart by All Time Low.
I wasn't introduced to ATL until this summer, when I started hanging out with Megan and Sammi. I'll admit.. I'm not addicted. I absolutely love the band, but Break Your Little Heart is definitely my favorite song by them. I remember hearing it after a break up, in one of those random jam sessions in Sam's car. I now know all the words, and even random sing it throughout the day. As weird as it is, this song made me realize that things could ALWAYS be worse.
2. Firework by Alex Goot and Tyler Ward.
I first heard this song when Sammi used it for her flag routine. I like it much better than Katy Perry's version (although her's is good too), I grasped the deeper meaning to it much faster with the slower tempo. It's a song that helped me realize that I'm valuable as a person, and that people love me. I just have to learn to let myself shine.
3. Mr. Brightside by the Killers.
I'll admit, this song probably wasn't healthy for me to listen to this past month, but it happens to be one of my favorites, so I couldn't help it. It made me think about all the things I didn't want to think about when it came to my ex..but I knew that I had to get over it sooner or later, so I opted for sooner. Thanks to this amazing song, I can actually listen to it, among others, and not even think about him. It's almost relieving.
4. The Writer by Ellie Goulding.
My friend Taylor introduced me to Ellie Goulding, and I adore her. She's simply amazing. This is one of my absolute favorite songs, and I actually bought it on iTunes three days after hearing it for the first time. I'm not really certain as to why this song appeals to me, but it does. It's just one of those songs.
5. I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin.
Logan introduced me to this particular song, telling me that it describes me. I listen to it every day regardless of how I feel, but I really listen to it when I'm down or feeling weak. He told me that this song makes him think of me because I don't bow under pressure, and I like to think that he's right, at least most of the time. One could say that this song is my strength.
6. Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce
I started listening to this song after a break up, and it honestly describes how I felt afterwards. I don't have much to say except that I'm going to always be the best thing you never had.
7. Lie by David Cook.
I'm a person who values the truth, so I find it ironic that this is one of my songs. I've always hated being lied too, but this song fit my feelings of one month ago perfectly. Therefore, I started listening to it, and it moved up on my scale of liking.
8. Loser Like Me by the cast of Glee
Recently, I became addicted to Glee, and therefore started looking for the songs on youtube. This one happened to pop up one day, so I listened to it. I love this song because in my opinion, I'm a loser, but that doesn't mean that I have to act like one. I don't have to care what everyone else thinks of me, I am me and that's all that matters.
9. She's So Gone by Naomi Scott.
I was watching a random movie on Disney Channel called Lemonade Mouth, and this song was in it. It reminded me of a friend, and then the more I listened to it throughout the summer, I realized it described me as well. I went from that girl who never talked to anyone to the girl who had more friends than she used to want. The old me is gone, and I can officially say that you can look, but you won't see the girl I used to be.
10. Stand by Rascal Flatts.
I used to listen to country all the time when I was younger, but as I grew older, my selection narrowed from all country to certain groups. My main one was Rascal Flatts, and I fell head over heels for this song. I listened to it after a very good friend of mine stopped talking to me, and after I fought world war three with my mother. I don't lay down and let people walk all over me anymore, and I'll never let that happen again.
11. Smile by Uncle Kracker.
I'll be honest... I used to smile because it was expected, not because it was something that I wanted to do. Now.. I have at least five people that make me think of this song, and I smile. Taylor, Jacob, Sammi, Megan, and Steven can ALWAYS make me smile when I'm upset about something. This song makes me think of them, and therefore I smile like the sun.
12. Everything by Lifehouse.
A little background before I explain this one: I was...violated in September 2010, and I attended a Catholic Youth retreat called Search in December 2010. I was exactly thrilled to be there, I'd completely lost my faith in God due to the incident, and it took the "Everything Skit", which is a skit based on this song, to make me realize just how far gone I was. I listen to this song when I'm feeling particularly lost and alone, or just in general to make myself feel better. To this day, the skit makes me cry, as does the song when I'm feeling down.
Well, there it is. The soundtrack of my life.
My Heart
My heart used to be something that I kept entirely to myself, I only shared my inner most thoughts and feelings with one person. Now, I'm pretty sure that five people have some piece of my heart with them. These are the people that I hold closest to my heart, they're the ones that I trust with things, a few with everything. I suppose I'm writing this for them, so that they know just what I mean.
Sammi: You...you're my twin. You know me like the back of your hand, we're just so much alike. It still amazes me that we're in the same situation, and have no clue what we want or what to do. I love that I come to you with anything that I have going on, and you generally have an answer or some form of advice, especially since we're both in the same spot. You have that little piece of my heart that gives me confidence. The fact that you accepted me as I was, broken and screwed up, meant a lot. You gave me the confidence that I needed to grow up and out of my shell. Thanks Twin, I owe you one.
Megan: Gee Megs. I don't know where to begin. You are like my sanity, and I don't know what I would do without you. While Sam was gone, I lacked that girlfriend that I needed to talk too about my girl problems, and you were right there. I love being your wedding planner/bridesmaid/back up maid of honor/shoe picker. It's very...eventful. You have that part of my heart that lets me laugh. You can ALWAYS make me giggle like crazy, even when I'm down about something. You really have no idea how much that means to me.
Taylor: Goodness Tay Tay...I'm not exactly sure what to say. I could say that you were the first guy I've trusted in a long time, and it's very true. Talking to you those nights at work...well, you got me to listen, and I actually opened up to you. You have that piece of my heart that lets me trust. I guess I kind of gave that to you, seeing as you were the first person outside of Marcela that I trusted in a very long time. Thanks Taylor, you're such an amazing friend, and I love you.
Marcela: My dearest Cela. Gosh girl how I love you. You and I...we're insane. We've been there for each other through it all, up until recently. I really want to get that back, I miss talking to you. You're most definitely one of my bestest friends, and I wish that you were going to Tech. You have that piece of my heart that give the courage to stand up for what I believe in. When I'm having a Faith crisis, I look to you for inspiration. You're such a strong young woman, and sometimes I honestly wish that I was more like you.
Jacob: You're my best friend. I trust you above almost everyone (Sam and Meg are right there with you), and would do absolutely anything for you. You're my secret keeper, the obnoxious to my polite. You're that missing puzzle piece that I needed to break out of my wall. You have the part of my heart that lets me love people. I'm not saying its because I was in love with you, I'm saying its because you showed me how to love someone. You're the reason that I know how to love people, living in a wall for years kind of takes away your people skills. I love you, even if your a pain in my ass sometimes. Thanks for setting me free.
Sammi: You...you're my twin. You know me like the back of your hand, we're just so much alike. It still amazes me that we're in the same situation, and have no clue what we want or what to do. I love that I come to you with anything that I have going on, and you generally have an answer or some form of advice, especially since we're both in the same spot. You have that little piece of my heart that gives me confidence. The fact that you accepted me as I was, broken and screwed up, meant a lot. You gave me the confidence that I needed to grow up and out of my shell. Thanks Twin, I owe you one.
Megan: Gee Megs. I don't know where to begin. You are like my sanity, and I don't know what I would do without you. While Sam was gone, I lacked that girlfriend that I needed to talk too about my girl problems, and you were right there. I love being your wedding planner/bridesmaid/back up maid of honor/shoe picker. It's very...eventful. You have that part of my heart that lets me laugh. You can ALWAYS make me giggle like crazy, even when I'm down about something. You really have no idea how much that means to me.
Taylor: Goodness Tay Tay...I'm not exactly sure what to say. I could say that you were the first guy I've trusted in a long time, and it's very true. Talking to you those nights at work...well, you got me to listen, and I actually opened up to you. You have that piece of my heart that lets me trust. I guess I kind of gave that to you, seeing as you were the first person outside of Marcela that I trusted in a very long time. Thanks Taylor, you're such an amazing friend, and I love you.
Marcela: My dearest Cela. Gosh girl how I love you. You and I...we're insane. We've been there for each other through it all, up until recently. I really want to get that back, I miss talking to you. You're most definitely one of my bestest friends, and I wish that you were going to Tech. You have that piece of my heart that give the courage to stand up for what I believe in. When I'm having a Faith crisis, I look to you for inspiration. You're such a strong young woman, and sometimes I honestly wish that I was more like you.
Jacob: You're my best friend. I trust you above almost everyone (Sam and Meg are right there with you), and would do absolutely anything for you. You're my secret keeper, the obnoxious to my polite. You're that missing puzzle piece that I needed to break out of my wall. You have the part of my heart that lets me love people. I'm not saying its because I was in love with you, I'm saying its because you showed me how to love someone. You're the reason that I know how to love people, living in a wall for years kind of takes away your people skills. I love you, even if your a pain in my ass sometimes. Thanks for setting me free.
Almost There
This whole summer has been full of love, heartbreak, new friendships, and preparations.
It's been a summer of firsts, a summer to remember.
I fell in love for the first time this summer.
I started hanging out with my beloved Jacob, Sammi, and Megan.
I got to know Jake and Taylor better.
Hell, I got to know myself a little better.
But now, it's time to close that chapter in my life, and begin a new one. To be honest, I'm very excited. It's that level of excitement that can barely be contained. I'm usually pretty hyper, but the thought of starting college in less than a week has me jumping up and down like a little kid. I literally can't wait until this Saturday when I officially move to Russellville and start that new chapter. I already have my bags packed, they're just waiting for Saturday morning.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not completely closing this chapter. My best friends are still going to be Jacob, Sammi, and Megan. I plan on visiting all three of them as often as I'm able too. I have epic plans for Jacob's birthday, and epic plans for Megan's wedding. Sammi and I are just a great pair...so we'll see how well that goes. I'll treasure the memories that we made, and I'll definitely miss Jake and Taylor.
I fully intend on those five people playing huge parts in this new chapter that will begin on Saturday. But there will be new players too. I'm sort of talking to a guy named Keifer, and I'm very interested to see where this goes. He's a great guy, funny too. He makes me smile :)
I have a feeling that I'm going to get close to Cassie and Lauren again, and Leaundra too. I think that Chandra and I will grow closer as well, and maybe even Sarah.
I know that I'll make new friends, but I love having familiar faces in a not so familiar place. I'll feel less alone that way.
I keep looking over at all my things piled on one side of my room, and feel the excitement grow just a little bit more. I'm going to either explode or go insane before Saturday, I can already tell. I'm literally bouncing up and down as I write this. I'm almost there, almost to a fresh start. It's one of those "so close, yet so far" kind of things. I have two more days of this chapter left, then... hello new one.
I'm so excited to continue writing the story of my life, college is going to be epic :)
It's been a summer of firsts, a summer to remember.
I fell in love for the first time this summer.
I started hanging out with my beloved Jacob, Sammi, and Megan.
I got to know Jake and Taylor better.
Hell, I got to know myself a little better.
But now, it's time to close that chapter in my life, and begin a new one. To be honest, I'm very excited. It's that level of excitement that can barely be contained. I'm usually pretty hyper, but the thought of starting college in less than a week has me jumping up and down like a little kid. I literally can't wait until this Saturday when I officially move to Russellville and start that new chapter. I already have my bags packed, they're just waiting for Saturday morning.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not completely closing this chapter. My best friends are still going to be Jacob, Sammi, and Megan. I plan on visiting all three of them as often as I'm able too. I have epic plans for Jacob's birthday, and epic plans for Megan's wedding. Sammi and I are just a great pair...so we'll see how well that goes. I'll treasure the memories that we made, and I'll definitely miss Jake and Taylor.
I fully intend on those five people playing huge parts in this new chapter that will begin on Saturday. But there will be new players too. I'm sort of talking to a guy named Keifer, and I'm very interested to see where this goes. He's a great guy, funny too. He makes me smile :)
I have a feeling that I'm going to get close to Cassie and Lauren again, and Leaundra too. I think that Chandra and I will grow closer as well, and maybe even Sarah.
I know that I'll make new friends, but I love having familiar faces in a not so familiar place. I'll feel less alone that way.
I keep looking over at all my things piled on one side of my room, and feel the excitement grow just a little bit more. I'm going to either explode or go insane before Saturday, I can already tell. I'm literally bouncing up and down as I write this. I'm almost there, almost to a fresh start. It's one of those "so close, yet so far" kind of things. I have two more days of this chapter left, then... hello new one.
I'm so excited to continue writing the story of my life, college is going to be epic :)
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